Hello! It’s Friday. It’s Friday the 13th. Are you superstitious? I’m not, but there’s something delicious about a Friday the 13th in October, isn’t there? We should be doing something fall-y. Hell, maybe we are, and I just don’t know it yet. I’m writing this on a Wednesday, after all.
When I was thinking about this year at the end of 2016 when it was still “next year,” I remember being so sure that it was going to be a difficult one. I wasn’t at all excited to wake up in 2017–I actually dreaded it a little. I had a gut feeling that it was going to be a strange year full of so many transitions, and I was right.
Now, there have been some wonderful things. Most obviously, Buster was born, and I had a really, really good recovery, and shocked myself by having an unmedicated birth. Wacey and I (and Buster, technically) were in a commercial, we paid off our pickup, and I think I finally figured out how to curl my hair!
But it’s also been a year of a lot of uncertainty, and behind-the-scenes turmoil. I don’t mean like marriage turmoil–I’m lucky to have a marriage that’s solid as a rock, and two little boys who are the brightest light you could imagine. But in ranching, so much falls to chance one way or another, and this year it feels like someone else is in charge of our life, but not in a good way. I know who is actually in charge. I know who has our best interests at heart. I know who has a big, good, amazing plan for us. But I also know whose plans aren’t always immediately apparent, and right now, in the thick of big changes and hard things, I’ll fully admit that I’m tired. I’m tired of these seemingly never-ending big changes on the horizon that I have no control over. I’m tired of waiting on phone calls and for other people to make decisions that will ultimately affect us. I’m tired of being a SAHM because having a job is so important to me. I’m trying very hard to not just wish 2017 away because I know that 2018 is not a magic fix, but I have high hopes that it will be more about growing and thriving rather than just surviving.
But, I have so much faith that it’s all going to be okay. I have to, because if you don’t have that, what do you have?
So, this year, I’ve really taken refuge in words. In The Word, via the devotionals I’ve talked so much about here and on my Insta and via sermons on podcast. In words of moms and other people taking about hard things on blogs and in podcasts, and yes, being the millennial that I am, in a good quote meme.
Favorite Reminder: It’s Never Too Late. This is one I think about a lot when I’m just having a bad day, which is so easy when I’m worried and stressed. Nothing makes me feel worse than snapping at my children, especially for something entirely unrelated to them, and so I’m so thankful for a reset button.
Favorite Truth I Should Remember: Worry is a misuse. I once read in a book a lovely description of a character who didn’t really worry, because he wasn’t very imaginative and thus couldn’t think of the myriad scenarios that could result from a set of circumstances. I remember feeling jealous, because I’m a constant worrier, and wish so often I could turn my brain off and not imagine all the terrible things that might happen. But gosh, what a waste. I’d much rather imagine ways to make my children laugh, or how to make their Halloween costumes. (Fear not, Amazon Prime is delivering my costume supplies tomorrow!)
Favorite I Know This to be True: When You Cannot Sleep at Night. I think of this often, because (like every other mother on the planet) I sometimes lay awake at night, especially when I am woken up by one of the boys. I read this quote a long time ago, and now try to count my blessings and send up prayers for others when I’m lying awake. It works, and helps move me to a more positive space where I’ve found I have some great ideas at four in the morning. Like the boys’ Halloween costumes!
Favorite Reminder for A Nervous Nellie: Finish Each Day. Does anyone else constantly re-hash their days, especially if you said something dumb or did something weird? Ugh, me. This is a good reminder that, as Gus says in Lonesome Dove: “Yesterday’s gone and you can’t get it back.” For better or worse, but usually for the better.
Favorite Work Motivation: Every Successful Person. I have a trouble with the latter half of this because sometimes the road seems so long and windy and impassable. But, it’s a good reminder and motivator. I think I can I think I can I think I can.
Favorite Work Inspire: Growth Strategy. This is so true. I often think “Oh, when we have more money/time/etc, we’ll be able to be more generous.” That’s true, but I can be more generous now, because generosity doesn’t have to cost money, and you can always make more time to help others.
Favorite Admonishment/Manta: What You Do. Isn’t this the truth, though? I keep this in the back of my mind especially when meeting new people, and when out and about in our new town. We all know someone who says all the right things but gives an overall impression of being disingenuous or flat-out creepy. I don’t want to be that gal. I’d rather be the gal who says awkward stuff or is overwhelmingly sunny but gives a positive overall impression.
Favorite OMG I Feel So Gotten: You Are My Blue Crayon. This doesn’t need any explanation because you know exactly which color that is. I’m lucky to be married to my blue crayon and have two more blue crayons jumping around.
Favorite I-Should-Tape-This-To-My-Ceiling: Not Think, Not Wonder. This goes hand-in-hand with worrying being a misuse of the imagination. If there’s something you can do, then do it, but once you’ve done all you can, it’s time to rest and have faith. And eat pasta.
Favorite Word Vomit Justifier: What He Says About Others. This is a good reminder for a person likes me that tends to talk too much, and sometimes out of turn. It’s a nervous reaction to new situations and people and ugh so much word vomit. I suppose that if you’re going to word vomit it’s sort of okay if it’s all nice word vomit, right?
Wellllll Happy Friday the 13th! I hope it’s not unlucky for anyone involved, and that your fall weather is treating you right. I didn’t mean for this post to be a downer, so I hope it’s not! But sometimes, you guys, adulting is hard and I want to throw in the towel and rake a huge pile of leaves and jump in it and then take a nap and then wake up and eat pizza and not be in charge of anything. Can someone make this happen? #Imissdeciduoustrees.
Also: Hocus Pocus has been on at our house nonstop and I’m pretty sure Bert is over it but I’m 100% sure Wacey and I are on Cloud 9. #overruled. Also: Wacey calls pumpkins kum-peeks and says “Wooooooooowwwwwww” every time he sees one and I can’t even it’s so cute.